Zajakallah Shaykh for taking on this endeavor. One of the things that I would like to see covered is the pressure from parents to finish a degree before marriage. They feel that as a woman I need it as a backup for marriage whether or not I do anything with it later. While the husband might not want the wife to work after marriage, the family will still look at a degree as a qualification needed in a wife. How do I cope with this and how should I move forward?
assalmualaikom warahmatullah on how to truly find a husband in a purely halal way (minus the fitna of dating) and how to go about it in getting a proposal from him?? what if one's family is not supportive in this issue and we are left alone to find that someone special. How can one possibly find a husband/wife if we're suppose to keep our gaze down?
I loved your "how to be an outstanding wife" lecture masha'Allah. I listen over and over again and it's taught me so much alhamdulillah.
I am approached often by sisters wanting help in marriages that are failing or less than satisifying.
I have noticed a growing trend amongst brothers of preferring the internet, their brother friends, television etc ahead of quality times with their wives. Its subtle and maybe "preferring" is not how the brothers see it, but its how the sisters read their actions.
Maybe building on your last series of time management and considering how busy everyone is.. maybe you could try a topic on balancing life and family and religion and how important they are for not giving room for Shaytaan and whisperings.
We know we are garments for each other.. and yet from my perspective the sisters backbiting their husbands intensifies when their husbands don't give them quality time.
Can you expand on the concept of being a garment in the broader sense it's a protection for many things .. not just physically. Jazak Allah khair and may Allah SWT reward you ameen
asalamulaikum im sarah from pakistan i want to know how are we supposed to get a proposal from a guy who we wud like to marry and also not do any thing that is not permissable.. cuz many boys do like to date and spend time to understand the gurl . and what is the best way to make a boys mom to consider you as a future wife for her son. thnx
I would like to see topics for those who are aleady married. How to maintain a healthy marriage is a good topic. The changes in the relationship that a couple should expect when they eventually have children. Also in the arab culture, the woman is expected to take care of her in-laws (more than her own parents) so the relationship of the wife and in-laws would be great (a little controversial maybe?) And last, how to help friends get married as I have been approached by friends and I never know what to do.
There is a study you may have read that talks of love languages we speak to each other.. whether as married couples or in families . children etc.
It's said we all have our own love language and to feel loved our spouse must understand what "language" we speak .. so the languages for example are
1. Words of affirmation 2. Acts of Service 3. Receiving gifts 4. Quality Time 5. Physical
so often a sister or brother questions the affections of their spouse because the two speak a different love language. So he brings her home expensive gifts.. but doesn't put out the garbage.
She reacts to the fact she asks him to help her and he doesn't.. she reads that that he doesn't love. He brings her home an expensive necklace, and is disappointed that she doesn't seem happy.
She feels more secure in his love for her when he takes out the garbage..because his actions in helping her. (acts of service) are her love language. He on the other hand has (gifts) as his love language.. Her receiving his gifts with appreciation (as The Surrendered Wife suggests.. love that book .. thankyou for suggesting it as good reading) will really touvh him.. as will her giving him a small gift to show she has thought of him.
Can you talk about this from an islamic perspective?
Getting married is not hard, however finding the right person to marry is hard. A lot of us singletons would love to find out on how to go about searching for that person.
1) Where do we start? 2) What criteria should we have in mind? 3) What guidelines do we follow? 4) how did the sahaabah do it? 5) What guidelines to be followed when interacting at the first meeting? 6) How to turn down an incompatible person without hurting their feelings?
how,where & what. The blog should answer these pre marraige questions.
As Salaamu 'Alaikum wa Rahmatu Allah wa Barakatuhu. Sister Umm Hadiqah from USofA here...
Insha Allah some advice for single revert sisters on finding a husband (and wali) outside of typical advice that is given(go to your masjid, cause that isn't working *smile*). Also, topics about age difference, cultural difference, family with other religious background. I know the answers lie in Qur'an, sahih Hadith, and prayer; but reminders are nice insha Allah
Ok i may be going against the tide here... but i hear alot of brothers and sisters bad mouthing the whole concept of arranged marriages when families/parents are actively involved in finding you partners ... perhaps we should instead of thinking them as backwards and alien to our generation we should give them tools with which they could make the whole process easier?
- how about a topic to remind zealous brothers and sisters that OUR PARENTS WANT THE BEST FOR US TOO!
ok...enough swimming against the tide ... lets go with the flo' ...
another topic that is close to my heart - what are the right questions to ask to suss a brother out. obviously we do not always have access to his friends and colleagues ... so are there some revealing questions that we can ask him?
Abdul Rehman/Canada Assalam Alaykum How can we reduce the wait young people have to go through as a result of Education. "No degree, no maraige for you." Is education everything? Also how about some advice for young guys to get stable? As a result of this modern system some people dont get stable till they are 27.
I want to know tips and ways to talk while first meeting and also the right PROCEDURE on how to go about it, the last interview sort of meeting thing, was messed up.
salaams all. i am excited about this blog and all that you intend to share with us on this topic for both the "singletons" and the married-folk. i am definitely echoing what sister asra posted though as well as sister ummhadiqah. in my masjid i would guestimate that 88% of the attendees are married but which is beautiful alhumdillah! but the masjid doesn't do anything to promote marriage amonngst the singletons or create environments where we can interact in a halal way that is still engaging, it's tough when yu constantly lower your gaze and are around someone that you have never engaged in conversation. also my walli doesn't attend my masjid so that's a bit of an issue. anyway i am grateful for whatever you share. jazakallah kahir
Asalamu alaykum, brother Arafat made good questions, i would like to know how to find your spouse the right way, when you find the Islamic way of meeting the girl (date). how to have a sable marriage while your studying or should we wait after degree etc. also cultural clash and how to deal with. how to approach your parents about marriage. Finally preys/dua that can be made to ALLAH (swt) which will make the process a lot easier inshaAllAH. jazakallah khair brother wasalam
19 comments:
Speak from the heart - what information do you need to hear and learn about?
Zajakallah Shaykh for taking on this endeavor. One of the things that I would like to see covered is the pressure from parents to finish a degree before marriage. They feel that as a woman I need it as a backup for marriage whether or not I do anything with it later. While the husband might not want the wife to work after marriage, the family will still look at a degree as a qualification needed in a wife. How do I cope with this and how should I move forward?
assalmualaikom warahmatullah
on how to truly find a husband in a purely halal way (minus the fitna of dating) and how to go about it in getting a proposal from him??
what if one's family is not supportive in this issue and we are left alone to find that someone special.
How can one possibly find a husband/wife if we're suppose to keep our gaze down?
Asalamu Alaykum Shaykh Muhammad,
My name is Abdullah, from the US :)
I would like to see some information for people who are married, newly married, etc.
Jazak'Allah khayr and I like name of the blog!
Asalamu Alaykum
Ridhwaana, London (UK)
Assalamu Alaykum Shaykh
How do you tackle the superficial issues of the boys mother when they ask for a specific "type" of girl - yet they are practising.
How do you get your parents to overcome the whole issue of he has to be "pakistani" so you dont have culture clash....
What do the guys want to hear ? What are they looking for in wife?
I loved your "how to be an outstanding wife" lecture masha'Allah. I listen over and over again and it's taught me so much alhamdulillah.
I am approached often by sisters wanting help in marriages that are failing or less than satisifying.
I have noticed a growing trend amongst brothers of preferring the internet, their brother friends, television etc ahead of quality times with their wives. Its subtle and maybe "preferring" is not how the brothers see it, but its how the sisters read their actions.
Maybe building on your last series of time management and considering how busy everyone is.. maybe you could try a topic on balancing life and family and religion and how important they are for not giving room for Shaytaan and whisperings.
We know we are garments for each other.. and yet from my perspective the sisters backbiting their husbands intensifies when their husbands don't give them quality time.
Can you expand on the concept of being a garment in the broader sense it's a protection for many things .. not just physically. Jazak Allah khair and may Allah SWT reward you ameen
asalamulaikum im sarah from pakistan
i want to know how are we supposed to get a proposal from a guy who we wud like to marry and also not do any thing that is not permissable.. cuz many boys do like to date and spend time to understand the gurl .
and what is the best way to make a boys mom to consider you as a future wife for her son.
thnx
Asalamu Alaykum,
I am from Canada :)
I would like to see topics for those who are aleady married. How to maintain a healthy marriage is a good topic. The changes in the relationship that a couple should expect when they eventually have children. Also in the arab culture, the woman is expected to take care of her in-laws (more than her own parents) so the relationship of the wife and in-laws would be great (a little controversial maybe?) And last, how to help friends get married as I have been approached by friends and I never know what to do.
This is Carol again.. from Australia
There is a study you may have read that talks of love languages we speak to each other.. whether as married couples or in families . children etc.
It's said we all have our own love language and to feel loved our spouse must understand what "language" we speak .. so the languages for example are
1. Words of affirmation
2. Acts of Service
3. Receiving gifts
4. Quality Time
5. Physical
so often a sister or brother questions the affections of their spouse because the two speak a different love language. So he brings her home expensive gifts.. but doesn't put out the garbage.
She reacts to the fact she asks him to help her and he doesn't.. she reads that that he doesn't love. He brings her home an expensive necklace, and is disappointed that she doesn't seem happy.
She feels more secure in his love for her when he takes out the garbage..because his actions in helping her. (acts of service) are her love language. He on the other hand has (gifts) as his love language.. Her receiving his gifts with appreciation (as The Surrendered Wife suggests.. love that book .. thankyou for suggesting it as good reading) will really touvh him.. as will her giving him a small gift to show she has thought of him.
Can you talk about this from an islamic perspective?
Jazak Allah khair
(they are called "The Five Love Languges"
Asalamu Alaikum
Arafat 4m U.A.E
Getting married is not hard, however finding the right person to marry is hard. A lot of us singletons would love to find out on how to go about searching for that person.
1) Where do we start?
2) What criteria should we have in mind?
3) What guidelines do we follow?
4) how did the sahaabah do it?
5) What guidelines to be followed when interacting at the first meeting?
6) How to turn down an incompatible person without hurting their feelings?
how,where & what. The blog should answer these pre marraige questions.
As Salaamu 'Alaikum wa Rahmatu Allah wa Barakatuhu.
Sister Umm Hadiqah from USofA here...
Insha Allah some advice for single revert sisters on finding a husband (and wali) outside of typical advice that is given(go to your masjid, cause that isn't working *smile*). Also, topics about age difference, cultural difference, family with other religious background. I know the answers lie in Qur'an, sahih Hadith, and prayer; but reminders are nice insha Allah
Jazaka'Allahu khair
Awesome!!
Assalaamu 'Alaykum,
Ok i may be going against the tide here... but i hear alot of brothers and sisters bad mouthing the whole concept of arranged marriages when families/parents are actively involved in finding you partners ... perhaps we should instead of thinking them as backwards and alien to our generation we should give them tools with which they could make the whole process easier?
- how about a topic to remind zealous brothers and sisters that OUR PARENTS WANT THE BEST FOR US TOO!
ok...enough swimming against the tide ... lets go with the flo' ...
another topic that is close to my heart - what are the right questions to ask to suss a brother out. obviously we do not always have access to his friends and colleagues ... so are there some revealing questions that we can ask him?
JazakAllahu khayrun
bintSuhail
Abdul Rehman/Canada
Assalam Alaykum
How can we reduce the wait young people have to go through as a result of Education. "No degree, no maraige for you." Is education everything? Also how about some advice for young guys to get stable? As a result of this modern system some people dont get stable till they are 27.
Jazakallah khair
Salam, I'm Omar from Cananda.
Brother Arafat and Sister Umme Hadiqa .. i agree with your views ... and this made me smile knowing at least someone out there has common views :)
Abdirazak Said Alberta Canada:
I want to know tips and ways to talk while first meeting and also the right PROCEDURE on how to go about it, the last interview sort of meeting thing, was messed up.
salaams all. i am excited about this blog and all that you intend to share with us on this topic for both the "singletons" and the married-folk. i am definitely echoing what sister asra posted though as well as sister ummhadiqah. in my masjid i would guestimate that 88% of the attendees are married but which is beautiful alhumdillah! but the masjid doesn't do anything to promote marriage amonngst the singletons or create environments where we can interact in a halal way that is still engaging, it's tough when yu constantly lower your gaze and are around someone that you have never engaged in conversation. also my walli doesn't attend my masjid so that's a bit of an issue. anyway i am grateful for whatever you share. jazakallah kahir
Asalamu alaykum,
brother Arafat made good questions,
i would like to know how to find your spouse the right way, when you find the Islamic way of meeting the girl (date). how to have a sable marriage while your studying or should we wait after degree etc. also cultural clash and how to deal with. how to approach your parents about marriage. Finally preys/dua that can be made to ALLAH (swt) which will make the process a lot easier inshaAllAH.
jazakallah khair brother
wasalam
the etiquette of istikhara when finding the right spouse
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